Anonymous said: Holy shit, I just read that. Are you okay? I strongly advise calling the police and getting them to deal with him; he sounds dangerous.
I don’t think he is dangerous but if he comes back and tries to do that again I will think about calling the cops. I just don’t trust cops at all and I think that I was able to deal with it better than they could have. I didn’t want to make him angry or feel threatened in fear that that would make him lash out at me.
Yeah I’m okay I guess. I went in for therapy and we discussed it and that made me feel slightly better. I still feel pretty unsafe in my room but I’m making my roommates stay at the house every night for the next week.
I was contemplating calling the police but he left without hurting me so I didn’t find it necessary. Normally he’s a fine human being- that night was just super weird. He’s leaving out of town for a few months soon so I’m looking forward to that.
I was awoken the other night at 2 a.m. by knocking on my window. Knocking is one of the absolute scariest noises ever and it immediately sent me into a panic. But whoever it was kept knocking so I peeked out the curtains and saw a man outside my window. I started to yell “who the fuck are you” when I recognized a friend that I had not seen in about 4 months. I used to sleep with this guy and I really enjoyed hanging out with him. So I went and opened up the back door. He pretty much invited himself all the way in and walked to my room, took off his pants, and got in my bed. I was still excited to see him so I sat down with him and started trying to catch up. But he started asking questions that gave away his intention- he was just there to sleep with me. I was super not down for that so I told him right off the bat that I wasn’t going to sleep with him or even make out but that he could stay and chat and spend the night if he needed to. It then became obvious that he was not at all sober and was in a really weird state of mind. He layed down on top of me and started trying to kiss me. It was probably a solid 15 minutes of him touching me and trying to kiss me and me trying to wiggle out of his grasp. It was only after he managed to get his hand down my pants and grab my cunt that I flipped out and started stating my boundaries more adamantly. I told him that I was going to let him spend the night, since it didn’t seem like he had a place to stay, but that I no longer felt safe and that he needed to leave. He got pretty angry but also silent and he gathered all his stuff and started to leave. I stopped him to let him know that he shouldn’t take it personally and I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings but he didn’t listen to me. I still haven’t heard from him. But I don’t know if I really do want to hear from him.
I am recognizing how good I was at asserting my boundaries and staying adamant about saying no. I also recognize how lucky I got in that situation. If he had really wanted to have sex with me, he could have easily done it. He is way bigger and stronger than me and none of my roommates were home that night. Why the fuck do these things keep happening to me.
1. SM play is always consensual. Abuse is not.
2. SM players plan their activities to minimize the risks to one others physical and emotional well being. Abusers do not.
3. SM play is negotiated and agreed to ahead of time. Abuse is not.
4. SM play can enhance the relationship between the players. Abuse cannot.
5. SM play can be done in the presence of supportive others- even at parties given for this purpose. Abuse needs isolation and secrecy
6. SM play has responsible, agreed-upon rules. Abuse lacks such rules.
7. SM play must be requested, and even eagerly desired, by the submissive. Nobody overtly asks for abuse.
8. SM is done for the consensual erotic pleasure and/or personal growth of both or all participants. Abuse is not.
9. SM play can be stopped in an instant, at any time, for any reason when the submissive uses a safeword. The victim cannot stop their abuser in that way.
10. In SM play the dominant always keeps their emotions under control. An abusers emotions are out of control.
11. After SM play the submissive often feels grateful towards the dominant. A victim never feels grateful for abuse.
12. SM players do not feel that they have the intrinsic right, by virtue of their gender, income, or other external factors, to control the behaviour of their partners. Abusers often do.
By Jay Wiseman, from his book SM 101.
i feel like I vaguely recall some project that was trying to make a sort of trigger warning list for movies and books. idk if Im imagining it, but something like that would be really useful as a resource
If people know anything about this I’d really appreciate it if the resource was forwarded to me/shared around.
Here’s what YOU need to understand:
1) Rape is way, WAY more prevalent than you seem to think it is. Are there more than five women in your audience? You do the math, and then you run the little fantasy scenario that I just put together in your head, and you tell me how it feels.
2) I ain’t buying any of that “If I can make jokes about genocide, why can’t I make jokes about rape?” Horseshit, unless you made those genocide jokes during a gig at the Srebrenica Funny Bone. You got away with making a joke about genocide because your odds of having a holocaust survivor’s kid in the audience were pretty fucking low.
And if you did happen to have one in the audience, and he heckled you, walked out, and wrote something nasty on the internet… would you be more likely to be a human being and say “Wow. I can understand why that person’s authentic response to what I was doing was so emotional and negative. Maybe my genocide material just isn’t good enough to justify the pain that it inflicts. Maybe I need more skill in order to pull this off.” Or are you gonna be a lousy piece of shit and say, “Yeah, I apologize, I guess, IF YOU WERE OFFENDED.”
Offended hasn’t got anything to do with it, moron.
People have wounds, and those wounds are painful. That doesn’t have shit to do with the weak concept of “taking offense.” If someone talks about Texas being a shitty state, I might “take offense” at that. Fine, whatever. All of us who like comedy are generally in agreement with the idea that “taking offense” is lame, and a comedian should be willing to “offend” whenever he or she wants to.
But causing pain is quite a different fucking matter. Your job as a comedian is to take us through pain, transcend pain, transform pain. And if you don’t get that, you are a fucking bully, and I’ve got zero time for bullies.
I have never heard of Curtis Luciani before, but you can bet I’m going to look him up now. My hat goes off to you, good sir. This is beautifully put.
He really does hit the nail on the head re the difference between causing offence and causing pain, and why some things are acceptable to joke about and others aren’t.
Agreed. It’s a distinction that needs to be made more often.